Remembering my friend Dick Shoup

hot waterJust as I was preparing to post this image and thought to the Dia.BLOG.ue, an email dropped into my inbox. Seeing that it was from my friend and colleague, Lou Kauffman, I smiled and hit the ‘save’ button here, opening his mail to see what was up.

His message was short and sad, telling me that yesterday our dear friend Dick Shoup lost his 3-year battle with cancer. In 1998 at a meeting in Cambridge, England, Dick christened me “The Cosmic Engerizer Bunny” –no batteries needed, and my power source invisible. It was a memory we laughed about over lunch a few months ago.

While Dick’s fight with cancer is over, his legacy, a lifelong Dance with Love continues, and today he’s in a cosmic pirouette, on to his ‘next’.

Dick, if you’re still hanging around –which I doubt— know that I will always remember how you spirit, open mind and heart touched my life. I am better because our paths crossed time and time and time again. No doubt they will again.

Relationship: Part II: ReCognising the Dots

DSCN4036“Reconsider everything you know about relationship…”

After watching red hot lava lick its lips before devouring sand, knowing that it had eaten sacred sites, sucked up ancient palm trees, homes and land, it was mind blowing to realise that paradoxically Pele was expanding the island at will. The reasonable conclusion to the instruction to reconsider what I thought I knew about relationships, would be the antithesis of intelligent if ignored. This was especially poignant, pointed and true, given that I had just divorced my husband because of his insistance that I monetize what I’d retrieved from my Near Death Experience.

Did I contemplate the source or voice of the task? Not that day. Coming face-to-face with my mind-bending insignificance was more than enough to deal with, never mind the little I knew about relationship with myself, another, and as an inhabitant of the planet. All had collapsed after teetering on the edge of the volcano, ludicrous beauty that was real, not just another postcard. My hope was that this thought had been issued by Mother Nature and not Pele, the infamous Hawaiian Goddess of fire who never seemed to hesitate taking what she wanted when she wanted it.

As is often the case, the instant I surrendered and silenced the whiny voice that inhabits a dark corner somewhere in my head and constantly cries, “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough.” doubt started to recede. [To this day I can’t reach that spot in my brain with the cobweb duster, but at least I recognize it and know it for ‘who’ it is.] The moment of embracing grace came when I willingly said, “Okay, let’s do this.” Suddenly, insight began to penetrate what was clearly dense grey matter.

My first realization was that ‘love’ is a verb that’s akin to walking the rim of a volcano. The risk is a reward that cannot be calculated. It can only be experienced. I understood as well that safety trumps the illusion of ‘being safe’. Having twirled a stick in lava and tossed it when the flames got to close, the concept of ‘playing it safe’ –again, as opposed to insuring safety– was a preposterous notion because Love is the playground, not a game to be played.

When the group reconvened, we headed south, making the treacherous trek over the black lava. Incredibly, our flashlights stayed in our back packs as the darkness was illuminated sufficiently by the sliver of a crescent moon. This too would be a lesson.

Several hours later, driving home as I approached the boundary of Volcanoes National Park, I saw —as if for the first time — the road sign that I’d passed hundreds of times but in that moment the three simple words, black on yellow, took on a whole new meaning. The sign reads, “END FAULT ZONE.” While my life felt like an active volcano in the six years since my NDE, those words and that moment kick started the knowing that it had actually been smooth sailing up until that point. I felt as if someone had put me on notice, and that my life was about to turn into a rock and roll experience in ways that were, obviously, beyond my control. My strength was knowing that the book ends of my life, my body and spirit were healthy and secure.

Over the next days and weeks I wondered and pondered aloud, contemplating the risks inherent in love and loving without a clue that this wondering would be decades long. My brain often felt like my heart was using it as an Etchesketch, its unseen hand scribbling experiences equally joyous and painful. The widest line it drew was one that circled my fears of crossing the line others had drawn, making a misstep, or trusting someone who was in fact, untrustworthy. This circle in the sand spiraled out of emotional control as tears fell while recalling the sorrow of falling-out of favour and having love withdrawn. Right up there next to it, was the thin line I knew was red that cut smack dab through the centre of my life: it was (and remains) the fear not being good enough or worse, of being judged ‘too much’. Behind this li(n)e was three decades ‘training’, taught that my purpose was to do and be someone else’s idea of ‘perfect’. Hell, fire and brimstone flowed with the realisation that there was ‘who’ in my face at the moment that was the quintessential ‘Phantom of Seduction’. *$#@#$%^&*)*! I’d fallen for someone who promised with his words what he knew in his heart and brain that he was incapable of delivering.

After a lifetime of trying to obey laws, canons and rules written by others that made no sense to me, staying in the relationship and trying to live up to what he thought I was, could be, or should be, was a risk that I did not yet know the math for calculating. My imagination more than ignited by the volcano, I began to reconsider how to articulate an evolving that began to unfold. It was based on understanding myself and then making the effort to relate to others. As my brain churned and turned inside out, my heart did karmic laundry that led to my inner world-view beginning to change. The most dramatic moment was when an unnormal notion arose; think about natural.

Contemplating relationship, I attempted to get what was inside my heart through my thick head and on to paper. It was not simple as humility met the face of fire that said doing so was hubris. The first thing on paper was wondering what might be possible if I changed how I engage in relationships. What would it be if rather than waiting to be asked out or inviting else out, loneliness on one hand, the risk of rejection on the other, what if I opened my heart and let my brain surrender expectations and simply invited another person “in”? Was there actually potential for co-creating by intentionally taking time and making space for communication that was in fact, communion? What would it look like? What values would be the foundation of such a space? How would we respect and honour their multiple intelligences—physical, emotional, cognitive, intuitive and spiritual? How would I determine whether or not another person shared my Purpose to be a catalyst for change, for love, this, what I’d promised to base my priorities on, the vow that let me make promises? How would we make decisions so that let us cooperate and co-create? How might we explore our full potential while keeping the relational space free of fear, tension, pretence, false expectations and projections? What did we require to build the bridge of trust? What were the tools that would let us take down mirrors, the ultimate illusion about how relationships work? If you don’t get it, go look in a mirror and think about what you see. Then turn take it off the wall, turn it around and think about what you don’t see. And what about the rule about breaking a mirror? Shattering glass is a sure way to get hurt, cut, and bleed to death. Ready to end being wounded and suffering paper cuts to my heart only to have acidic tone and words making them feel fatal, realising the Pattern I’d brought back from death was a knot, a love knot no less, it was becoming clear why taking time to make a real connection was the key to intimacy. Having once heard someone say that intimacy was ‘Into me I see’, I realised that in terms of relationship it was a matter of “In time I see”. The issue would be learning to willingly be truly transparent, and yes vulnerable.

Basta! Enough for a Friday! I’ll continue these thoughts on Monday, because right now coffee is calling, and the path into Locarno beckons!

Make it a great weekend!


question markClearly, the physical experiences of dying, leaving my footprint embedded in Eternity, changed my life in many positive ways. But not one of my three trips over that invisible threshold gave me immunity to pain. Whenever someone asks if my intuition increased as a consequence of these adventures, my reply is “No.” What I’m far more aware of is how these experiences honed to a *&^%*)% razor sharp point, my awareness that human sufferings primary cause is how we beat ourselves, heart, head and spirit, black and blue until we’re bloody, and then we take our pain out on others and the very environment that sustains us. Too many well-meaning people take a Pollyanna approach to what’s going on in the world. To my mind that’s pandering to neediness. Too many take a different tack and grab the gold believing their personal worth is worth any cost and any loss is collateral damage.

Earlier this year one of my best and most trusted friends on the planet was diagnosed with cancer. His doctors, the best of the best, told him and his wife that because of its location there was no way they could treat it. Unwilling to bow before M. Deities, they wanted to know why. The experts explained that the arteries in that area of the human body are not large enough to deliver the type of medications that would be used to treat the tumor with-out there being further damage. Having long ago given up ‘normal’, they required the docs to order another type of scan, one that would see if his arteries in that area were in any way unusual.

To their amazement the scan confirmed that his arteries were ‘super-sized’.  Definitely unique to their experience, they immediately scheduled a first attempt at treatment. Today, after four, cross-country trips for highly specialised treatments, I received a ‘Hallelujah’ email that the ‘untreatable’ tumors are dead and dying as his body heals.

november 10 2014 photo blogToday there is a virus of loneliness, a cancerous suffering that is negatively affecting the entire world. This is unconscionable when there’s a Knowledge of the healing power of resonance.

Too many of our afflictions, addictions and pain, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual are the consequences of hostile takeovers. They are ultimately INSIDE JOBS.

Today there are four books on this knowledge; one from the scientific point of view, and three from the personal/social perspective. The first, the ‘big’ book’ is the real miracle; it presents the double peer-reviewed, scientifically acknowledged new knowledge, the Mereon Matrix, that I was able to retrieve from ‘the other side’ of Life’s threshold, the realm most call ‘death’. Another presents the really hard stuff, making it clear why if we don’t intentionally live our Life Purpose on purpose we forfeit the right to bitch and moan when we ‘lose’.

Every day I get out of bed I remind myself why I do what I do: the bottom line being if death is real why do I remember being dead? Life is about doing whatever we can do make living worthwhile. It’s about joyously growing and evolving through every relationship and the conditions we find ourselves in. Those who knew and know me best will tell you that every day I live my life by the ‘Laws’ of logic and Love, sometimes to their deep exasperation and even anger. Why anger? Because there’s no way that I’ll ‘go along to get along’ and in the face of emotional manipulation or abuse, or worse, an outright lie, my protest is logical but never loud, and when there’s no resolution, I exit, softly but firmly closing the door behind me. In some instances, family, it’s a revolving door, but more often than not it’s not.

Sometimes what’s going on on this planet feels unbearable. At those moments my greatest challenge is to willingly remain open and vulnerable. For a long time a very big and loud part of me longed to return to a monastic life where in the silence I could layer up, putting on filters and living out my life while anticipating something far better in the ‘next’. The problem came with the realisation that doing so was essentially the path that’s taken by every suicide bomber.

So why do I do what I do? To keep a Promise: to be here in case one person wants to know. Lots of people have made huge changes in their lives and talk about it and preach how they did it. Too many accept that they are responsible for such change and give credit to someone else. I’ve learned the hard way that lip service doesn’t serve my body, heart, mind or spirit. I know that what works for me may well not work for you because we’re all unique. The news flash is that while many are suffering from the false sense of terminal uniqueness not one of us is dying from it unless we take ourselves out believing there is no Cure.

What gets in the way of your healing?

If you find this at all meaningful, please pass it on for taking true Understanding into our lives and the world is a challenge that must be met by one and all.

Responding to a ReQuest for Understanding

the mereon legacy diablogue 3

Responding to a ReQuest for Understanding

Yesterday I received the following note:


Hi Lynnclaire,

I’ve read your NDE and I’ve always been fascinated by it, especially the Mereon Matrix, which, admittedly, is difficult to comprehend, but fascinating nonetheless. I generally describe myself as an atheist/agnostic, however, I believe the universe (now multi-verse) is far more complex and beyond any “god” we humans have conjured. I guess I want to know, is it real, do we really continue our consciousness after death? Also, if the afterlife is imbued with eternal love and endless bliss, why do some people have horrifying NDE’s? Last, why are we here? Do you know or have an inclining? I’m not asking to cajole or challenge, I just really want to know.

Kindly, Michael

Continue reading Responding to a ReQuest for Understanding

Another perspective

reformed buddhist cartoonThis morning a dear friend shared this cartoon with me, and it’s a perspective I don’t share, something those who know me well will attest is no surprise! 🙂

Ask yourself:

  • What if there are no ‘mistakes’?
  • What if our errors are simply a way to navigate the flow –learning to steer clear from the rocky shores we’ve all crashed on, but thankfully survived?
  • What if we learned to step out of the looming oncoming shadows we meet on the path?

From my perspective this lifetime is an amazing gift! It’s an opportunity to learn to love more fully so that we can exit this lifetime without fear, and in doing so return, but the next time with full and complete remembrance of LOVE! When we are willing to do this we become catalysts for TRANSFORMATION, the evolution of  humanity!

The real MAGIC is that we can start our new incarnation today!

FB August 31, 2014