Patients and Patience in the Eternal Presence of Healing

2.5.2016

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dreams-and-visions-of-the-dying_us_56b24a88e4b04f9b57d81b9d?cps=gravity_5017_1252256921861042625

January 15, 2016 was the 29th anniversary of my first dance with the arching angles of Death. This initial experience of dying did far more than change my ideas about living; gone was the fear of death hammered into me by family, preachers and supposed teachers; in an instant my terror of being misunderstood, judged and a verdict rendered “Unworthy”, evaporated. In its place was the engulfing presence of unconditional compassion whose veracity catalysed the unassailable realisation that the life I had erroneously thought I was living was pure fiction. My absolute reluctance to return was only slightly weaker than the intent of one who was determined to pull me back.

Three weeks later, my heart stopped again, this time for no discernible reason. Au contraire. In an experience many consider a ‘dream’ I was presented with a choice; that I could live or go home, die. It was not an easy decision then, and today thinking about that moment causes tears to overflow… Eternity, no time and timelessness….. So it is that this weekend brings me to what is perhaps the most important anniversary in my life. 07 February, its 29-years since that cold night in Chicago when I said ‘Yes’, agreeing to stay. Simply put, dying gave me my reason for living.

Those who know me best know that keeping my commitment has come at a high cost, a price most would be unwilling to pay.

The video you will see here may help you understand why I have never wavered. Dr. Christopher Kerr is one of my new ‘heroes’, spending day after day nurturing those who are dying, and in their progress he has been embraced by pure grace. I share his message and stories with more than a modicum of hope that hearing his words might help some of those I love understand why doing what I do has never been an option. Many espouse the belief that God is the single most important factor in their lives; consulted in every decision they make. Tragically, examination of the evidence leaves me wondering what happened to Love? even though their lives present evidence to the contrary.

Thankfully, my NDEs are no longer anecdotal, and what I experienced —the Mereon Matrix— was retrieved and is daily being further recalled and constructed. It continues to provide evidence that we are walking a living continuum, knowledge that supports the growing realisation that life continues beyond what we think of as ‘dying’. This video was a powerful reminder of why I am able to keep on keeping on despite many emotional ‘deaths’, pain, personal loss and ongoing grief caused by emotional paper-cuts. Choosing to live and speak what is true for me, mapping what is to date the simplest known ligature, connection of Love, has led to my being severed from former friends and dearly loved relatives. While I am the first to admit that there are that the sorrow feels never-ending, thankfully, being free to express my sadness, and powerful reminders such as this video carry me through, living a life filled with breakthroughs rather than the breakdown some might ‘wish’.

Sadly, love is too often conditional, relative to what we say or do. Perhaps if our relatives and those we love understood relativity, that the laws of physics, how things, including loving relationships work, are the same everywhere, our lives might change as well as how we live every breath on the edge of death whether we like it or not.

Unexpected Loss

elmer and ann

Elmer Joseph Schettler with his wife, the love of his life, Anne

Yesterday, 14 November 2015, Elmer, my bestman-guy friend, left this world, starting the adventure of his Grand Unknown ‘Next’. Even knowing what I know, that Death is not the end, only a new beginning, I am bereft.

Elmer was directly involved in multiple aspects of the work related to the Mereon Matrix since the day we met in 1997. The gifts he brought to my life and work during are immeasurable. Last night I was up with friends until the wee hours of the morning, telling Elmer stories and squeezing my heart, a soggy sponge, of grief only to have it fill up again and again. Life is too short…

Elmer was the founder and Chairman of the Board of Devansoy Inc, (www.devansoy.com) and his life focus was health and value-added agriculture. An ‘Apple’ aficionado, connoisseur of coffee, great wine and gourmet food, he loved flying, but the grand love of his life was his soul mate, Anne. Knowing the depth of my loss, what she is growing through this moment is unimaginable…

Elmer’s love, intelligence and wisdom has long been a stabilising force, and his spirit remains, appreciated and cherished, by all.

Losing, finding and facing losing again…

mouseNine very long weeks ago, my cat, Ms. Mouse, took a flying leap off the 3rd floor terrace of my atelier in Minusio, the 4th floor to those in North America, and began what was surely a feline, Swiss adventure.

Last Friday, after two-days of cold rain, conditions she loathes, she finally decided it was time to come home, and presented herself at my neighbours door.

How grateful I am to all my neighbours, Frau Bernhard, Evelyn, and Regula, for knowing who she was and where she belonged! Special thanks to Regula who put out food and her litterbox and left her home open inside and out 24/7 until Mouse came inside!

It was a paradoxical weekend; it was lovely to experience snuggling and cuddling with Ms. Mouse who had never before tolerated such behaviour! It made it very clear how she had cultivated new tolerances and learned new survival skills on her outing. What was sad was how my once 4-kilo kitty was a feather, her weight under a kilo, as neither food nor water would stay down.

Yesterday morning we headed off to her vet, Dr. Balli, who quickly told me to go home and call him in the morning, warning me that she might have liver or kidney damage. If this turned out to be true, it would mean her adventure, the one called a lifetime, would be over in the morning.

The realisation that I might actually lose her permanently was hideously painful, and led to confronting the stark realities that accompany good things, her return, when they can so quickly slip passed and out of our grasp. Calling it an early night, the hours were long and fitful as I tossed and turned reflecting –thinking and feeling– on the pain that comes with losing someone we love or something we value. The darkness sent me back to the moment of light in the dim cellar when Ms. Mouse immediately responded with her mouse-like squeek when I called her name! Clearly, she felt the joy of being found. as I experienced the wonder and love of finding her once again.

Then, once again the awareness of the truth about how pain is the consequence of being attached to an outcome, I unclenched my fists, opened my heart and surrendered my fear, and as my spirit took flight, I finally slept.

Dr. Balli just called with great news. Ms. Mouse is remarkably strong and all her functions are normal, so after one more day in the clinic with IV food and water, she can come home tomorrow!

Today and every day my intent remains to live my life well and truly, doing so in a state of Grand anticipation that is devoid of false expectation [premeditated resentment] to the best of my human ability!

Remembering my friend Dick Shoup

hot waterJust as I was preparing to post this image and thought to the Dia.BLOG.ue, an email dropped into my inbox. Seeing that it was from my friend and colleague, Lou Kauffman, I smiled and hit the ‘save’ button here, opening his mail to see what was up.

His message was short and sad, telling me that yesterday our dear friend Dick Shoup lost his 3-year battle with cancer. In 1998 at a meeting in Cambridge, England, Dick christened me “The Cosmic Engerizer Bunny” –no batteries needed, and my power source invisible. It was a memory we laughed about over lunch a few months ago.

While Dick’s fight with cancer is over, his legacy, a lifelong Dance with Love continues, and today he’s in a cosmic pirouette, on to his ‘next’.

Dick, if you’re still hanging around –which I doubt— know that I will always remember how you spirit, open mind and heart touched my life. I am better because our paths crossed time and time and time again. No doubt they will again.